Photo found here: https://unidosus.org/blog/2020/06/04/fighting-against-racism-the-story-behind-george-floyds-mural-in-minneapolis/

Part 1:

Raising Your Family While You are Terrified

I am a lifelong DC native with Black loved ones and friends; a mother to Black biracial children; a woman who has been the surviving child of a chaotic, chronically traumatized family who didn’t contend with their own intergenerational trauma— and my siblings paid dearly for that. So did I.

I have spent my life and career seeing what happens when a country refuses to contend with its history of systemic violent oppression. Under resourced communities get desperate. They have to get creative to feed their families. I’ve seen the “cradle to prison” pipeline in real time. It is real. I have revisited different chapters- the fallout of slavery, the kidnapping of Indigenous children, and the normalized abuse across all subgroups etched into the nervous systems of many. Today, we have been thrown into a “Project 2025” era—a direct, calculated response to the truth-telling of the 1619 Project. It is a time of intentional cruelty designed to make us turn on each other. Frankly, it has been nauseating to wait for most Americans to wake up and see the groundwork laid- too late for those who have already been raped, disappeared, brutally beaten, starved, hung, ripped apart from their families, many of them killed by those who are supposed to protect us.

And yet- just like those who came before us and survived horrific tragic times, we must find a way to keep going. Our children need a sense of hope, joy, and facilitated resiliency. We must protect their innocence in any way we can. We must look to them to know when to slow down, when to put the news and social media down, when to lean into love and connection.

To lead your family through this, you must first acknowledge that peace is violence prevention.

• The Myth of Nature vs. Nurture: We’ve been told “nature” is everything, but I’ve seen how an authentic, nurturing environment can fundamentally rewrite a child’s future.

• Connection Over Correction: You cannot bully a child into being kind. Leading with fear only builds a “debt” that will be paid later in anxiety, school avoidance, or aggression.

• Low-Demand, High-Reward: In this “Hell on Earth,” stop being the fun police. Prioritize your own healing so you can offer your child accessible joy.

• Feelings as Data: Teach your kids that feelings are signals, not something to be fixed or minimized. Buy kids books that build emotional intelligence and support better stress responses- and learn WITH them. Allow your feelings, too. It is not inherently bad for them to see you cry. Being sad for other’s pain is evidence that you are a caring human- which is who you want to raise. Model it.

You don’t have to carry the grief of this country and world alone. We are leveling up the village, starting with your own internal sense of safety and what you can control.

Part 2:

Intergenerational Repair and the Truth About Our “Village”

For generations, the “good white parent” strategy was minimizing the sins of our country against Black and brown brothers and sisters. We thought we were protecting our kids by not talking about the violence and lack of true efforts to level the playing field in the wake of collective dehumanizing practices. But as a trauma professional, I know that silence is where trauma lives. When elders stay silent about the heartbreak and betrayal they’ve witnessed, it doesn’t disappear; it gets passed down for the next generation to handle.

We must reckon with the fact that what happened to Renee Good is not an isolated tragedy—it is a story that has been lived by countless Black Americans, often unreported and met with a haunting lack of public outrage. From Philando Castile to the nameless victims of child trafficking and systemic abuse, the “Village” has been broken by design. Women, immigrants, LGBT humans- anyone who did not fit the Nazi ideal- we have been tortured quietly behind the scenes, and not so quietly. I don’t think many of us were aware of how much this was already happening. And when we were, the collective outrage and action was not enough.

• De-Centering Whiteness: We must look at how we passively center whiteness. Is your “inclusion” limited to a Black History Month book? We need to appreciate Black and Indigenous history beyond their suffering, and learn from the stories of unsung heroes not mentioned by your teachers. And all vulnerable and oppressed groups. Talk and reach out and learn directly from those that want to make sure you understand pieces of the picture that might not be apparent to you and your circle. Don’t assume you know the depths.

• The Power of Family Storytelling: Telling the honest history of our lineage—no matter how dark—is how we stop the cycle of trauma. Where does the pain seem to originate in your family? How are you healing and understanding the wounds that lingered? Shining light and truth telling— help our kids (and us) break free with clarity and purpose to draw on the collective wisdom of our ancestors. All of our ancestors. We all trace back to Africa, as some of us are aware. Sit with the discomfort that may come from that statement. Growth comes from discomfort.

• Safe Expressions vs. Attacks: In your relationships, learn the difference between “honest expression” and emotional abuse. If your partner’s vulnerability feels like an attack, it’s time to build more self-regulation tools.

Part 3:

Protecting the Soul While Walking Through a Mine Field

Raising a child who makes a difference requires a delicate balance: you must protect their nervous systems from overexposure to trauma while informing them of the reality of the world they are inheriting. We are spiritual beings having a human experience, and our task is to raise children whose empathy is their superpower.

The jerks your child will meet—those raised with racist beliefs or conditioned to think kindness is performative—are often people who never felt safe themselves. In my household, we teach our children to see this without letting it dim their own light.

• The Divine Feminine & Intuition: We are tapping into a lineage of powerful women who refused to be silent, and paid for it. Since the 1100s, women demanding respect have been labeled “witches” for their sensitivity and leadership. Use your intuition to guide your children away from the “insecure white man” model of control and toward a model of speaking up, supporting, and protecting others while nurturing and loving yourself with the understanding that this life is precious and to be cherished- for you, for them, for everyone.

• Preparedness Without Paranoia: Gently teach safety. Help them trust their instincts about which spaces and people feel safe. Stay home more for cuddles and rest; minimize exposure, meet them where they are.

• Underrated Qualities: Cultivate critical thinking and observation skills. These are the tools that allow a child to see potential threats of safety, build resiliency, and maintain boundaries in a culture of exploitation.

• The Daily Practice of Radical Kindness, Joy, and Creative Expression: How we treat the person at the grocery store, how we vote, and how we speak when we think no one is listening. How we stand up to family members who are committed to old, toxic beliefs that don’t align with peace and civil rights. How we celebrate small wins of those in our household, who we don’t want to take for granted.

  Learn about ways of using art, music, movement to cope with the cruelty and enormous grief. Comedy has been a longstanding way to demonstrate resistance, as well as move through awful things. Soften to a moment of play and allow it to remind you of what we are surviving for. Let superficial things go. Your people who get the assignment will contribute to your spiritual growth in the midst of destruction. Love trumps hate.

For individual, couples, or family support; moms groups, and speaking requests, reach out. We are in this together.

We suffer so much, so unnecessarily, because our families had no idea how to feel their feelings, and damn sure couldn't offer a validating experience for our emotional needs. And it affects who we choose to entrust with our hearts, who we build our own family with.

My story, and the people who have touched my life and my heart, directly influence how I support others. I have 5 children. I have known deep loss too many times. I have been divorced. I have been the child of divorce. I have seen the magic of a blended family and grown a beautiful life with purpose and meaning, while coming from neglectful, chaotic, untethered dysregulated pain in my family that no one could address. No one spoke to me about it. My siblings suffered and never recovered.

When I named my practice Happy Parents, Happy Babies, I had a vision to support parents as early as possible in the emotional transition of becoming a parent, where they may not realize how proactive coaching or therapy could set them on a path of breaking negative cycles and clearing the way to live a life as a parent without losing themselves in the process. Being grateful and not taking your life for granted does not have to be toxic positivity. As long as you're here, you can evolve and show up for yourself and your loved ones better- focused on what truly matters. The bullshit matters less. We get to decide what is leading our way forward, what the story will be that others will tell. It needs to be a story that feels worth it to you, too. This is a protective layer to help your whole family in the world, and with their ongoing mental health as they develop. We can have a peaceful home, even if we didn't come from one. Without ignoring challenges, without breeding resentment, without losing control when wwangry or overwhelmed.

I'll explain more later. Glad you're here!